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Tired

I got to video chat with my husband tonight. He took the opportunity to tell me that his boss wants him to travel long term. He should be back the second week of July, and then leave August first for three weeks, then September first for the month of September. So that puts him at home about a month total for the four months spanning June-September.

I don't know how I'm going to do this. I found this person, who I fit with in every way possible. This person who is kind and wonderful and who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And then we got married, and he's still so amazing. The butterflies of the first kiss are still there, every single time. I want to be a stepford for him, to make every detail of his smooth and flawless and full of beauty and light. He loves me for who I am, and who I am not. He is understanding to a fault. I got everything I ever wanted practically over night. It's like some sort of awful karmic balance that now, it should be complicated just as fast. why can't anything just work out and be good for once? Why must everything in life be a struggle?

I just don't know how to be a good wife to a husband who's a thousand miles away most of the time.

I'm so lonely and I never sleep and I spend most of my time crying.

It's supposed to all work out for the best. This is all working to him working permanently at the New Orleans office once it's established in September. It's really hard to be forward thinking though, when you're this alone. It all seems so counter-intuitive. Getting married just to be alone all the time. I crave the feeling of his skin on mine constantly. I simply don't know how to deal with the quiet.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
padiwack
Jun. 21st, 2011 12:44 pm (UTC)
You're smart and capable. I'm sure you can do this, and do it well once you set your mind to it!
(Deleted comment)
enlabelleaurore
Jun. 23rd, 2011 01:02 pm (UTC)
Probably. In that I totally agree with you, but the things to work out phase seems really insurmountable.

Let's keep in mind that this is LJ and thus the place for whining. But you're right. We're still in honeymoon phase. And I'm miserable. And maybe we should take advantage of this traveling thing to travel together. I'm definitely going to visit him next time he goes out of town. I couldn't swing it financially this time, but next time, I won't be sitting at home the whole month, for sure. I'm just too unhappy. And he's not happy either.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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